I don’t mean to, and I didn’t mean to. I won’t mean to and I shouldn’t mean to… but I do.
Occasionally, I stop blogging.
Last week, not one post went up. I took a hiatus over my A-Level exams. I am very familiar with the whole not-blogging thing.
Normally, I apologise, and I guess I will again: I apologise to you, dear readers, and I apologise to me. To me, for getting myself worked up about missing posts, about my book reviews not being any good. To me, for not blogging. To me, for losing the sight of what I started blogging for.
I didn’t start to make money (which, incidentally, I’m still not doing). I didn’t start to get hundreds of followers (which, incidentally, I have got! <3). I didn’t start blogging to get perks. I started blogging because I wanted to share my stuff on the internet: I started blogging because I had something to say.
And since then? I feel like two things have happened:
- is that I have stoppered my blogging voice. I feel like I am getting dryer and dryer in what I used to say, in what I want to say to a certain extent. My blog posts are becoming repetitive. I am posting more on my other blog than this one because that one is about my life which is constantly changing.
- is that what I wanted to say has changed. I used to be a blog purely for writing. There were no book reviews, no discussion posts: just writing, pure and simple, including my own short stories and the occasional guest post. Since I started blogging, about three and a half years ago now, I have changed in how I view society, changed location in the country I live, changed what I am passionate about. I’m not sure why I did, but for some reason I expected me to change, and my blog to… stay the same?
Nothing is really going to be changing here, really, I’d just like to point out. I do love my blog, it’s just that it’s changed a little. I am still incredibly proud of it. I even cried the other week because I am so proud of the hundreds of thousands of words that I have poured into my blogs over the past three years. I am so proud.
It’s just that, sometimes, I lose my mojo a little. I get tired. I get upset. My mental health gets a little shaky and I stop blogging.
And that is okay.
And that is something I have to realise, for myself, is okay.
You want to know something surprising? I don’t feel guilty for not posting last week. I feel… regular. I feel ready to come back and post this week, and once this has been written and uploaded that is exactly what I am going to do.
I do feel like my book reviews, especially, have gotten a little dry. I might try some new things to spice them up, or I might review differently. I’m not sure yet, but I want to assure you guys that I don’t put up anything I myself am not happy with. I won’t post a post for the sake of posting: I just won’t post. And that’s partly what this blog post is about too; telling you that sometimes, I won’t post. And that’s okay, and I hope you stick with me.
I appreciate all of you following my blog. It really means a lot to me.